Week of December 20, 2020

This empty page terrifies me.

Here is The Internet, and access to such vast expression and art, with galleries and streaming access to so many creative works. And you see and read so many pieces that are achingly beautiful, and you say to yourself, “I need to make something like this,” and it is important to make art, but you start thinking it becomes important to make art that stands up to everyone else’s best: why make a thing when someone else does it better?

Of course, you’re being unfair to yourself. You’re seeing the results of years of work. You consume months of effort in seconds. You know that the only way to get better is to practice, and learn, and learn from mistakes. You know that you will get better. This sounds good on paper, and you believe it, and somehow it never translates over to how you feel.

So you write something down, and you hope you’ll feel even slightly proud of it when it’s done, and you hope it’s enough, because it is all you have for now, and so it has to be enough!

This is just to say
I am so
you enjoyed
the plums

I will buy more
next time
and we can eat
them together

LATER, TO MY THERAPIST: I feel like this was a huge violation of my trust? I was saving those plums for breakfast???

Content Warning (Food)
Pieces of char siu pork on a baking rack.
A cream filled yule log cake, with candied cranberries.
A small Totoro figure, styled as kagami mochi, with an orange on his head. He sits on a stand with the words 「あけましておめでとう」. Next to him sits a real satsuma orange. Behind, a ceramic Christmas tree with illuminated lights.
Exterior of Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, a cathedral in the French Gothic style. A unicursal labyrinth, made of inlaid stone, is in the foreground. Signs encouraging social distancing and requiring mask wearing are visibile. The churchyard is otherwise empty of people.
Detail of the outdoor labyrinth, set in stone.