This empty page terrifies me.
Here is The Internet, and access to such vast expression and art, with galleries and streaming access to so many creative works. And you see and read so many pieces that are achingly beautiful, and you say to yourself, “I need to make something like this,” and it is important to make art, but you start thinking it becomes important to make art that stands up to everyone else’s best: why make a thing when someone else does it better?
Of course, you’re being unfair to yourself. You’re seeing the results of years of work. You consume months of effort in seconds. You know that the only way to get better is to practice, and learn, and learn from mistakes. You know that you will get better. This sounds good on paper, and you believe it, and somehow it never translates over to how you feel.
So you write something down, and you hope you’ll feel even slightly proud of it when it’s done, and you hope it’s enough, because it is all you have for now, and so it has to be enough!
This is just to say
I am so
I will buy more
and we can eat
LATER, TO MY THERAPIST: I feel like this was a huge violation of my trust? I was saving those plums for breakfast???